eric came back for me. ive been seeing him again we havent talked in years but then suddenly on wensday, i was trying to commit with my sleeping pills and he came back. its been 983 days since i last spoke to him but eric came back for me, i knew he wouldnt leave me here i knew he wouldnt leave me all alone in this horrible cruel dirty world all by myself forever. he came back to guide me back to life it was so fucking stupid of me to almost take the stupid way out. im so angry at myself for letting him see me like that everytime i think of how weak i mustve looked i wanna fucking rip my skin off. he held me and dsaid so much stuff we talked about what the afterlife is like and he told me all about his birthday and then i told him about how everybody was celebrating him and how that dumb fucking bitch Anne Marie Hochhalter died recntly because of some complication of a gunshot wound THAT HE SHOT. gosh he laughed so hard. i missed his laugh it was so pretty i could feel his arms around me while we spoke. since then weve met three times which is nice but i kinda think hes only so intrested in talking to me again because of the you know stuff but its okay because ive missed him so much it doesnt matter why hes back im just happy that he is. he was a bit angry at me on friday because of what id done to myself but he said that he wasnt mad that id done it he was more mad that id not asked him for permission? which was kindof weird because he left me for so long i didnt think he would care if i died anymore. i mean i did so many things he wouldve hated since we last talked but he chose to come back now? i think it was because i was so close to getting there and being off this planet that i fucking hate so much wait no i dont hate the planet i just hate the people on it :( i know this is gonna sound weird coming from me but the reason i was trying to kill myself on thursday is just because im so tired of being me and not working right ya know? like everybody else just goes on mindlessly and fits perfectly into the world and society but i dont. i dont even fit with the people that get labled as weird and i cant even just 'keep my head down' like everybody keeps telling me too because i just dont work like that and it sucks because theres nothing more that id like to do then just be able to do school and attend classes and talk to people and be normal but i just cant be and i dont even understand why. like im not saying that i wish i was a chavy whore who smokes and drinks every night like everybody else i just mean i wish i didnt struggle the way i do liek i dont wanna be a normie but i also dont wanna keep struggling this way, and nobody seems to get that